my lds mission serving in the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission / Arkansas Bentonville Mission was the most challenging, frustrating, heartbreaking, fulfilling, joyful, amazing experience of my life.
it was also a total roller coaster; there were plenty of times i wanted to give up. luckily i had companions, a mission president, family, and specifically a special sister that really really believed in me.
she and i had the philosophy while preparing for my mission of going against the grain, and that is what my whole mission revolved around.
i was the sister missionary that was a lil bit loud. i was the sister that became friends with all the elders before i knew all the sisters names. i was the sister that wore bright lipsticks and took too many pictures. maybe that was wrong and i wasn't a good missionary. i'll be the first to admit that i wasn't perfect and i made plenty of mistakes. i got frustrated at my short comings . . . and i learned so much from them. i loved my mission and i'm so grateful that i learned to go against the grain.
i love the people in the OTM and i love my experiences as a full time missionary.
this is an email conversation I had with my oldest sister and biggest supporter during one of those times i wanted to give up, i hope it makes you smile:)
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ahhhhhhhh i really miss all you guys. Bolivar is a really hard area. Henryetta was a really hard area. I love being a missionary but I feel like I'm getting near my breaking point.
Unforunately Heavenly Father knows that you can handle all sorts of craziness, there have been days that I have felt and I am sure you have felt like, "Really More?" Sometimes they last what seems to be an excruciating amount of time, but in the end you can do it. I know Henryetta was so hard, but look how much things changed while you were there, even little things that you were able to impact, given time may be big things. You can do this, I know you can. How is your new companion? Where is she from?
When you left we were both VERY broken, and I didn't know if either of us would survive breaking point after breaking point that was being thrown at us......Look where we are now, are there things we would like to change? Of course... are we perfect? of course not.....but are be just ok? No, even on our worst days we are a little better than just ok.....I'm going to say that is a HUGE success for both of us! I am so proud of you and the example you have set for me, thanks for reminding me to rely on the spirit, I may never have gone on a mission, but the things I have learned about myself and about relying on the spirit from my favorite missionary have been such a huge testimony builder, I not only think I can....I KNOW WE CAN!! I love you and am so proud of you, forget the breaking point, we've gotten through it before!
you're right, you're always right...sometimes i have a moment of freaking out and them i take a step back and realize that it's okay. things are hard but it'll be okay. my companion is good...she's new and worries about the fact that she's new and doesn't know what she's doing. but i'll teach her how to have fun and get things going. the work is really slow here, but that will change. i know it!! i bore my testimony yesterday and talked a little bit about mom and the atonement and just a few other things i've learned on my mission. i was overwhelmed by how many people came up and talked to me and thanked me for bearing my testimony. i'm so grateful for the warm welcome, i needed it. i think the previous sister missionaries have been awkward and not very outgoing.
president shumway told me in one of my last interviews with him that the rest of my companions would be a challenge, but that i would be able to help them. so far he's been dead on. it's interesting adjusting to new companions especially when you have like nothing in common...but it always works out and you learn to love them. My companion is just new and awkward but she's a good missionary, she has a strong testimony and she wants to make a difference. so that's what really matters. I just need to be an example...
life is hard sometimes...but i've learned so much that sometimes we need the trials to direct us to the lord. to realize that we can't do everything by ourselves and we need Him. He can help us and He can heal us. Heavenly Father gave us families to help and support each other. I'm so grateful to have you Melissa. I love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you.
It's amazing how the spirit works, and tells you what to say and how to say it. I love it when you have an opportunity to bear your testimony or share an experience and you get done and go.....ok, thanks for the help.
I know you are where you need to be, even though companions may be a trial, of anyone I know its you who can relate to ANYONE. It is truly a gift of yours that you have been developing and perfecting for years, everyone loves you and has been able to relate to parts of you, didn't matter if they were 2, 22, or 82 you have a gift for loving and talking to people. If so many people already felt of your spirit and reached out to thank you for sharing your testimony it is something they have been craving for a long time.
You are probably totally right about the previous sister missionaries being robots, I am so proud of you for being you! The whole 47 days we spent getting ready to send you to Oklahoma our focus was NO UGLY SHOES! How fitting the going against the grain has been the theme of your mission, be you, just you! That is why they called you, that is why people love you, and that is why people feel the spirit when you speak and when they are around you, because you are the you Heavenly Father needed, not an awkward sister with ugly shoes!
I love you so much and am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have had to be a pen pal of sorts, and to share such spiritual things with someone who is "Just my sister" I love you so much, what a great 12th birthday present you turned out to be!
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all i'm saying is that it's important to be yourself, even if that means going against the grain sometimes. it's not about trying to be different, it's about being the real you because in the end that's what people want.
so be genuine. be completely honest with your friends, family, and most importantly, yourself. once you do, you'll be happier. promise!
