there's no waiting in the lobby //

i recently moved across the country to be a nanny for an amazing family in new york

it was a whole new world out here, i've been on the east coast before but this family lives in a way i've only ever seen on tv

it was exciting to be apart of

the kids were so fun and i enjoyed taking care of them

there was one day in particular that we went into the city

i went and explored rockefeller plaza, NBC studios, and st john's cathedral

i grew up watching the today show with my mom so it was amazing to be there in real life

new york city is exactly what everyone says it is: busy, crowded,  a million people rushing somewhere, taxis honking, massive buildings, bright lights etc etc

i couldn't believe i was really seeing and experiencing it

however, it was different than i expected in the fact that i didn't fall in love with it like everyone said i was going to. . .

maybe i didn't spend enough time there but amidst the skyscrapers i longed for the mountains

instead of rushing people i wanted rushing rivers

i sound so cliche . . . but i don't think the city life is for me

i remember walking into another tall building with beautiful architecture and golden doors

i was waiting for a friend

there i was standing in the lobby and the bell boy said to me, in a harsh and short manner:

     "there's no waiting in the lobby"

     "oh, i'm just waiting for a friend, she'll be down in a minute"

again, he said:

     "there's no waiting in the lobby"

so i walked out of those golden doors sort of frazzled

i remember thinking "wow, he wasn't very pleasant"

as i walked away i couldn't get those words out of my head

there's no waiting in the lobby

soon after i met up with my friend, we grabbed lunch among blue collar boys, and headed back to grand central station to catch the subway home

on the ride back the words still echoed

a few weeks went by and while new york was amazing and we spent some time at their exotic beach house in south carolina i couldn't help but feel like i wasn't supposed to be there

i felt like i was putting things on hold at home

i felt like i was missing out

i felt like i was getting behind

i didn't feel happy with where my life was going and the person i was becoming

so i made the hard decision and i quit my nanny job and came back to utah

so now i can go back to school

and start my elementary education program

and chase this pangea dream

and most importantly, be with my family and friends

because as that wise bell boy told me, there's no waiting in the lobby

likewise,

you can't wait to change your life

you can't wait to be the person you know you can be

you can't wait to be kind

you can't wait to tell someone you love them

you can't wait to finish school

you can't wait to chase your dreams

you can't wait to be happy

so i changed my mind and all my plans i had for the next year
at times it's been super stressful trying to figure out my life
but sometimes you just have just go for it
then somehow things start to fall into place
and now i'm so incredibly stoked where things are headed :)

just remember,

there's no waiting in the lobby

xoxo

nel

it's good to be home

a ted talk & a conference talk that changed me //

whether i want to listen to something while i'm getting ready or i can't sleep and want to listen to something...i'll usually watch a ted talk & a conference talk

they enlighten me and ALWAYS put me in a better mood

plus they get my mind going and thinking

//

i love love love ted talks. i used to / try to listen to one every day. there are several that i am obsessed with and that i watch over and over.

this is one of them.

shonda rhimes is an amazing independent woman who has done so much in television, it's crazy.

for one, she created gray's anatomy.

she has such a phenomenal work ethic

her outlook and philosophy changed me and made me want to be better.

watch and i know you'll enjoy.

she is incredible. 

i also really really love conference talks. i especially love jeffery r holland. i think i have almost all of his talks memorized because i've watched them so many times.

this talk is called "where justice, love, & mercy meet"

it's a line from a hymn

he gave it in april of 2015 on easter while i was on my mission

it made me cry, maybe because i was a missionary, but i think it was because it touched me so much

and it continues to

bottom line, the atonement is amazing and i am infinitely grateful for it

enjoy enjoy enjoy!

my brain lately with a few borrowed words //

Earthly Father, Heavenly Father //

Today is Father's Day and I am very far away from my Father. And yes, I wished him a good day. I wish I could have done more. I feel like I have so much to say. - rather - so much to thank my Father for . . .

My Dad is amazing, first of all. He is strong. He is kind. He is the smartest person I know. He knows how to work, and he knows how to work hard. He loves the gospel. He is honest. He is dedicated. He is humble. He provides. He takes good care of us. He is an example in all things. He is passionate. He is caring. He is respectful. He is shy. He is sweet. He is loving. He is amazing and he is my Dad. 

I am lucky to have him has my Dad. He taught me all those things. I may not have listened to all of them all the time, but the example was always there. It continues to be there and I am grateful for that. I know who I am because of my Dad. I get a lot of my personality from my Dad, whether he will admit it or not. I may be more outgoing than him but I get my dedication and work ethic from him. 

And my height ;)

I love my Dad. I love what he believes in and what he stands for. I love that we essentially went to the same mission - him Little Rock, Arkansas - me Bentonville, Arkansas. I'm lucky that he has taught me so much. He taught me to work and to enjoy work. He taught me to love baseball. He taught me to travel and explore. He taught me to hike and see new things. He taught me about money and how and when to spend it. He taught me about cars and where to put my windshield wiper fluid. He taught me about the scriptures and about a Heavenly Father who loves me.

My Dad taught me to love through how he loved his kids and how he loved my mom. They didn't always say it, but they always showed it. He has shown me a glimpse of what Heavenly Father must be like . . . 

Because I know that Heavenly Father
loves
knows
understands
feels
cries
rejoices with me.

He knows. And because He knows, He can help me. He can literally pick me up and give me the strength that I need to push through one more day. Because He knows what I am capable of and He has incredible things in store for me. 

He loves me.

And He loves you.

I'm grateful to a Daddy that loves me and taught me to love. Especially to love my Heavenly Father.

Happy Father's Day.

it is better to be kind than to be right //

One of my favorite people ever from my mission in Oklahoma once told me after a long discussion of an offended member

“Sister Bailey, regardless, it is always better to be kind than to be right.”

And that has stuck with me ever since he uttered those wise words.

Yeah the situation wasn’t ideal and they stopped coming to church; however, someday they’ll remember and crave that sweet spirit the gospel brings. No matter what, I love them . . . even if it’s from a distance.

With my mission experience as a backdrop I hope I can elaborate more on this concept.

My mind moves 3,000 miles per hour.

I’m always thinking a million different thoughts. And maybe that’s why I have a hard time sitting still for too long.

I like to think I’m

A hard worker.

Passionate.

Smart.

Kind.

Loving.

Genuine.

Right . . .

I also realize that sometimes I may be kind of

Prideful.

Inconsiderate.

Mean.

Judgmental.

Hypocritical.

Loud.

Crazy.

Dramatic.

Emotional.

The list goes on and on but you get the idea.

Maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s our generation but it can be pretty hard for me to take criticism.

I want to be told that I’m right and that I’m great and special and beautiful.

It’s hard to hear that I’m too much to handle or too loud or too self-centered.

Whatever you make think about me could be right; or, it could be completely wrong.

Regardless

I do not know what goes on in your life every day.

I do not know the hard things in your life.

I do not know how you are really doing.

And maybe, just maybe, you do not know what is going on with me.

So how about we stop telling each other everything the other is doing wrong.

What if we just loved our friends, families, coworkers, neighbors . . .

Sorry, I just went all missionary on you.

But really.

I am perfectly aware that I do not always make the best decisions.

I am only twenty years old.

I know that’s not a completely valid excuse.

I also know that this life is about testing and trying and trials.

And I’m going to mess up sometimes.

I may not know all the answers to life’s questions.

I may not even know most of them.

But I do know these things for sure:

God is real

Prayer is real

Faith is real

The Savior is real

The Adversary is real

Happiness is real

And

The Atonement is real

We aren’t just given one chance, or two, or even three

We can always start again and try to be better

Remember that part about “enduring to the end”?

What about enjoying to the end?

And realizing that life comes with ups and downs

And sometimes you’ll get confused and overcomplicate things

I know I do

But when it comes down to it, what is really important?

For me, it’s family, God, the gospel, and finding your own happiness.

Another rant I often go on is that it’s important to be happy with yourself.

Yeah, sometimes you’re going to fall short.

I know that I expect too much of myself sometimes.

Then I get frustrated.

And sometimes I kind of just want to give up trying.

It’s just important to realize that you aren’t going to be perfect.

You’re going to mess up.

And you know what, you can keep on trying.

That’s all that He asks of us.

Just know that other people definitely bring happiness into your life.

My family brings me happiness.

My friends bring me happiness.

But it’s so important to me that I can be happy on my own.

I don’t have to rely on someone or something else in order to be happy.

And also, I’m learned that it is okay to be sad.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to cry about it.

And at some point you just have to get over it and realize that the sun will come up tomorrow.

My new favorite phrase is “happy when it rains”

My point is simple. And I’ve found it true in my own life.

Happiness is a choice.

Your choice.

It’s your life and you can make it whatever you want it to be.

So work hard, be kind, be honest, realize that you don’t have to be right all the time, it’s not all about you; although, you should take care of yourself.

Lastly,

Love is always the answer.

That was cheesy.

Oh well.

I enjoy some classic sharp cheddar.

Don’t worry, be HAPPY.

And remember,

It’s better to be kind than to be right.

xoxo

i care way too much & i still can’t figure out if that’s a bad thing //

I care way too much about a lot of things.

I care about my family. I care that they are happy. I care that they are financially stable. I care that they are doing what they love.

I care about my friends. I care that we are on the same page. I care that we keep in touch. I care that we spend time together. I care that we can not see each other for a year and it’s still the same when we meet up. I care that they are happy. I care that we have fun. I care that on the bad days they are doing okay. I care that they know that I care.

I care about people I don’t even know.

I care that you think my outfit is cute.

I care that I have really pale skin and society tells me that’s ugly.

I care that my mom isn’t here and I wish she was.

I care that you complain about your mom calling you to see what you’re doing.

I care that you don’t appreciate that your dad really really loves you.

And he shows it.

I care that my teeth aren’t perfect and I never had braces.

I care that I haven’t really felt like myself since I got home.

I care that sometimes people let me down.

I care that sometimes I let people down.

Geez I care way too much

And there’s still more.

I care that you like The 1975 song I showed you last week.

I care that I can’t sing well anymore.

I care that when I laugh really hard I have a double chin.

I care that my back hurts too badly to do standing tucks whenever I want.

I care that I spent too much money.

I care that I kind of let my grades slip.

I care that I’m scared to talk to my dad.

I care that maybe people think I’m trying to be a videographer or a photographer (I’m not).

I care that maybe I’m a little too loud.

I care that I can’t actually dance very well.

I care that I’ve leaving in 11 days and I don’t want to say goodbye.

I care that you are sad that I’m leaving.

I care that you aren’t that sad that I’m leaving.

And I care that you care about me.

But mostly, I just want everyone to be happy.

I wanna fix everyone’s problems.

But that’s not going to happen today.

So maybe I care too much.

Even now

I still can't figure out if that's a bad thing.

the bucket list //

i've always had a crush on lists.

i used to make packing lists for vacations. i used to make lists of my clothes to help plan outfits in junior high. i used to make crazy to do lists. i started this bucket list some time during high school, since then i've added and crossed off a number of things; although, there is one i won't get the chance to cross off 

*sigh*

anyway here it is, weep it and read ;)

1.      Fall in love, with a handsome fellow and go to the temple.

2.      Become a mommy.

3.      Get into college.

4.      be kissed in the rain  (it was on a roof too, so double win)

5.      be kissed in a snow storm (it was downtown SLC, so yeah, it was amazing)

6.      go to Paris

7.      See the play Wicked.

8.      go on a mission

9.      read the Harry Potter books

10.  Carve our initials into a tree.

11.  Plant a garden.

12.  Get my personal progress award.

13.  go to every high school dance

14.  see Ed Sheeran in concert (best night of my life, I couldn’t love him more)

15.  Get floor seats to a concert. (The 1975, Chelsea @ the Cosmopolitan April 23, 106)

16.  Go backstage at a concert.

17.  go to Havasu Falls, AZ

18.  Meet an apostle.

19.  Visit ground zero in NYC.

20.  Go skinny dipping.

21.  Be on the kissing came at a sporting event.

22.  Campout on the beach.

23.  Go skydiving.

24.  Go scuba diving.

25.  buy something from anthropologie

26.  Do baptisms for the dead in the San Diego temple.

27.  Go outdoor rock climbing.

28.  Ride in a hot air balloon.

29.  Go on a blind date.

30.  own a German Shepard

31.  become a true knight (on Cassidy Ferrell’s car…#yolo #senioryear)

32.  Go to Disney World.

33.  Ride in a helicopter.

34.  Kiss someone on a Ferris wheel.

35.  Encourage someone to go on a mission.

36.  Receive flowers from a young man.

37.  kiss under the mistletoe

38.  Paddle board/kayak horseshoe bend.

39.  be someone's valentine

40.  Have a dance party in the pouring rain. 

41.  doorstep scene 

42.  have a high school sweetheart 

43.  Visit the house from full house in san fran.

44.  Go parasailing.

45.  Visit all 50 states.

46.  Take my mom to the today show on Rockefeller plaza

47.  See a play on Broadway in New York City.

48.  New Year’s kiss at midnight.

49.  Go on a cruise.

50.  Overcome a fear.

51.  go to MT Rushmore

52.  Buy a pair of legit raybans.

53.  Visit every continent.

54.  The Grand Canyon Sky walk.

55.  Travel to Italy and eat real pizza.

56.  Travel to Mexico and eat real tacos

57.  True Aggie

58.  Long board the canyon @ night

59.  Go to Lake Powell

60.  Buy a one way plane ticket

61.  Attend Wimbledon dressed in all white

62.  Space Needle, Seattle, WA

63.  Nashville, TN

64.  Chicago Cubs baseball game

65.  Hollywood Walk of Fame, LA, CA

66.  Golden Gate Bridge, SF, CA

67.  Watch Steph Curry play

68.  SeaWorld

69.  Sit front row at the 50 yard line at Charger’s stadium

70.  Be a tour guide at Yosemite National Park

71.  Penguin watching in Chile

72.  Rome, Italy

73.  Cave Restaurant, Italy

74.  Whale watching at São Miguel Island

75.  Sintra National Palace, Portugal

76.  Algarve, Portugal

77.  Octoberfest, Germany

78.  Stockholm, Sweden

79.  Northern lights, Iceland

80.  Cape Town, South Africa

81.  Great Pyramid of Giza, Egypt

82.  Alexandria, Egypt

83.  Tiger Temple Tour, Thailand

84.  Singapore

85.  Sri Lanka

86.  Great Wall of China

87.  Ancient City of Petra, Jordan

88.  Sydney Opera House

89.  Attend the US Open

90.  Go to the US Open of Surfing

91.  Paddle Board

92.  Snowboard

93.  Mountain-board

94.  Play tennis on grass

95.  Grab a surf-board, put on a wetsuit only up to my hips with a bikini-top and all around, looking like a pro surfer 

96.  Float the Dead Sea

97.  Be comfortable with public speaking

98.  Start a cool company

99. Be a nanny in NYC