sk8boards & sunflowers: March 2016

I'm supposed to be writing an annotated bibliography that is due at midnight. I was also supposed to go to Econ at 12:30 but I had a friend FaceTime me instead.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you are wrong. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride.

I just got off the phone with my sweet mission president's wife. Before that I was texting back and forth with my "mission mom" in Oklahoma. They both told me the same thing.

All you need is love.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit and chuckled at the saying. But they're right.

One of them said something to the effect of "you cannot change anyone. you can decide how you react to the situation. the only thing that will change them is unconditional & constant love"

All I could think was....ugh.

There comes a point where you realize that other peoples choices and opinions and words and actions are affecting you way too much. Sometimes to the point that you get physically sick. Trust me, I've been there.

Lately I've kind of been all over the place. Scheduling things every hour with fun friends trying to numb this lack of love I've been feeling. This dumb feeling of abandonment I placed on myself. Because you know what, I am a loved person. And so are you.

Everyone knows somebody that struggles with feeling like people actually care about them.

I also learned that people don't really care that much that you are sad. I mean they do, but they aren't going to jump in front of a train to save you from your own self-pity. So the best thing to do is probably just to get over it. Then shake it off and get on with your day.

So here's to me smiling through this dumb sadness and going to play soccer. Good day my friends xo

this last weekend after my crazy spring break i finally gave my missionary report homecoming talk in my home ward in Highland, UT. i have been home for almost 7 months now, i should have returned home on february 26, 2016 but i was medically released august 22, 2015 almost exactly a year after i originally flew to Oklahoma with my amazing MTC group.

when i returned home for my chronic back pain i got an MRI and discovered 2.5 bulging discs in my low back, which explained a whole lot. after physical therapy & some cortisone shots in my facet joins i'm doing much better :) i still have my bad days but for the most part it's all good in the hood.

as a result of my crazy spring break in st. george / san diego / provo i literally did not have time to write a homecoming talk so i just kind of winged it. i mean, i had a lot of ideas but i really wanted it to be from the heart, plus i had lots of practice on my mission ;)

anyways . . . i quoted this poem (?) from my mission president that sister palmer & i memorized / recited every morning when we were companions in Tahlequah, Oklahoma and like 1 & a half dozen people asked me for a copy, sooo here it is . . . enjoy!!

The Completely Committed

I have joined the ranks of the completely committed.

The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made; I am and will be now and forever a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, fall back, let up, slow down, or be still.

I have found my Savior and my past is behind me. My present has purpose, and because of the Him, my future is secure. I'm finished and done and low living, small giving and dwarfed goals. I no longer need position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to prove I'm right or be recognized. I'm not seeking praise or to be regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, exercise patience, uplifted by prayer, and labor unceasingly. My face is set, my pace is fast, and my goal is the Celestial Kingdom.

My road is narrow, and sometimes rough--but my guide knows the way and my mission is clear. I cannot be brought, compromised, detoured or lured away. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have put up and toughened up. I am exactly obedient to the cause of Christ. I will work, sacrifice, climb over or go through any obstacle; and when I get down, or feel run down, I will look up--and reach up--until I am "Lifted up."

Until He comes, I must give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He declares . . . "The work is done."

In the end, when the fight is over, my vision is clear.

To meet Him . . . to be wrapped in His arms and to whisper in His ear, "I did it." Then . . . I shall worship at His feet and listen for His reply . . . "well done thou good and faithful servant."